Question: “There is a lot of romance on our university campus. I believe romancing my sweetie is not a blueprint commandment. Who defines the extent of our physical relationships? I understand ‘no sex before marriage,’ but my problem is whether it is a sin to touch my girl friend (to a predetermined level).”
Answer: “Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other” (1 Thessalonians 4:1-9, NIV).
Now this question brings a smile to my face, because I know it touches on the very practical issue of relationships that grabs the interest of young people in every generation. In answer to this question I would ask you, “is it a sin to touch another man’s wife in an inappropriate way?” Whatever physical contact is inappropriate toward another man’s wife is also inappropriate towards your girlfriend, because until she is actually your wife, she is the potential wife of someone else. This applies also to young ladies.
As far as a “predetermined level” of touching, I know from personal experience how difficult it can be for a couple, especially the male, to hold back once physical contact begins. My wife and I did not engage in any physical contact at all until we were engaged to be married. We did not even hold hands. And I remember that when we began to hold hands and kiss after we were engaged, it was much more difficult for us to be morally faithful to God. It just makes sense that we will have more control over our bodies sexually if we hold back from physical touch as much as possible when we are just girlfriend and boyfriend. This will also give us clearer and better mental discernment and not allow our emotions, based on physical appeal to overrule our sense of judgment as we move forward in our relationship. In this way we can avoid making major mistakes in the choice of a life partner (see Judges 14:1-3).
